~"Changing Challenges into Opportunities"~
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| Okay, So I'm Cute!? |
What memory do you have of an incident when you experienced bias, prejudice, and/or oppression?
Growing up in Indiana, I was the
fifth child out of six. Since my brother was the baby and a male, I was always
considered the “baby” because I was a girl. I was very pale, thin and fragile.
My father said that I was made to be an opera singer, because if I felt a
certain fear, I would cry my lungs out. I feared everything and everybody. When
I got sick, which was often, I got high fevers and would hallucinate. I would
think snakes were all over me. My father would pick me up and hug me real tight
and start singing to me until my fever went away. Needless to say, my being
female, middle child and fragile took its toll in a large family. I ate slowly;
I talked slowly and bruised easily. I loved to wear dresses with flowers and
hated playing with “boys”. I was dainty, delicate and pale.
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| "Soar" |
In what way(s) did the specific bias, prejudice and/or oppression in that incident diminish equity?
My oppression was being female. I
was seldom, if at all taken seriously. I did not do well in Math. I had to
study harder than my brothers just to do well. One day, I approached my oldest
sister and mother and told them that I wanted to be a Child Psychiatrist. My
mother said, “Why, would you want to spend all that time in school.” My sister
agreed with my mother. They both agreed that I should go to college long enough
to get married and have children.
I was always told to get an
education, yet was never encouraged to finish college. So, finishing college
took decades. I attended many junior colleges until one day my classmates were
deciding where they should go for an undergraduate degree. I never thought about
getting a degree. Someone told me to see a career counselor. I made an
appointment and he told me that I would do well in a four year college. So, I
gathered all my units from when I first started college but didn’t complete and
finished my undergraduate degree in 2009. My family was proud of me; this
little fragile girl was the only one in her family to finish college.
Presently, I am the only one in my family to ever work toward a Master’s
degree.
What feelings did this incident bring up for you?
Feelings
of inferiority consumed most of all my life. When I found out that my mother
and father were divorcing; I was in second grade, the doctors said that I
suffered from “selective mutism”. I did not talk for a year. The stigma of what
our small community knew of my parents breaking up overwhelmed me. Families
stayed together, no matter what. I cried for years within. It wasn’t until I
got into junior high and my parents’ divorce was finalized that I found my
spiritual being. I prayed for strength to make it as a young
lady, alone without a father figure; a strong figure in my life.
What and/or who would have to change in order to turn this incident into an opportunity for greater equity?
I continued to keep the voice of my father: “You can do ANYTHING;
you put your mind too.” My mind was to get my education the first opportunity
that came my way. I started with my college degree, and the only one of six
children to finish. My mother and father didn’t live to see me get my degree,
but they knew that I would be the one.
When I was a teenager, I planted roses and started a rose
garden in our first home without my father. I loved roses because amidst weeds,
they bloom. All roses need is lots of trimming and water. Me, I am that Rose.
All I needed was nourishment, care and a little trimming to bloom!
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| My daughter circa 2012 in Ohio |
